Working with distressing thoughts and feelings
Introduction
You might have distressing thoughts, unwanted thoughts or
feelings. Thoughts that if someone else said that to you, you wouldn’t like,
critical ones maybe. There might be unpleasant emotions around, anxiety about what
could happen, or low mood about what has happened.
With both of these thoughts or feelings, there can be a
tendency to use our fight or flight systems as if they were an external threat.
As we fight with thoughts, we might argue with them, tell ourselves to pull our socks
up.
As we go into flight mode with thouights, we might try to
distract ourselves, with feelings we might try to numb ourselves somehow with
food or drink or drugs.
Whilst sometimes these strategies can be useful, oftentimes
the thought\feeling doesn’t go away, paradoxically it gets amplified, plus you
can get new problems on top, because you couldn’t get rid of the thought\feeling
or your avoidance strategies come with a set of new problems.
What can help
Stage 1
Notice the thought\feeling
You may want to try saying to
yourself
Im having the feeling of x or Im
having the thought y
Or
A part of me is feeling x a part
of me is thinking y
As you do this simple thing, many things may happen.
·
You slow down and engage rational parts of your
brain
·
You distance yourself from the thought\feeling,
which both minimises it, puts you in
relationship with it, and shows you how it will pass
Stage 2
Notice what’s happening in your body
You may want to describe the feelings in your body or maybe
just simply feel them
You may want to find a phrase to describe how you are
feeling in your body
As you do this simple thing, many things may happen.
·
You relate to yourself at the most fundamental
level, which can make your bodily feeling, feel good\change
·
You may notice that the feeling is part of you,
not all of you. Which can minimize the power of the feeling
Stage 3
Return to what you were doing, before this
As you do this simple thing many things may happen.
·
You may feel that you can do wahts important to
you even when youre not feeling great
·
You have more control
·
The thoughts\feelings have less control
·
You do more things that are important to you
Turbo charge
You can turbo charge this process by using mindfulness. Use
a regular breathing meditation to strengthen your awareness (noticing
thoughts\feelings) and strengthen your ability to move attention (rather than
get caught up in the thought\feeling notice it\the body and return )
Extras
Once you have got the hang of this, you may also notice what
the feeling was before the thought\feeling came. If its different you may want
to ask if a friend felt like this how would I respond to them, and try the same
approach with yourself
