Procrastination

Procrastination

Contents

Reasons to procrastinate. 1

To avoid failure. 2

To avoid success. 2

To avoid the imperfect. 2

To avoid losing your identity. 2

To avoid losing control 2

To avoid feeling lonely \abandoned. 2

To avoid doing demeaning tasks. 2

To avoid distress. 2

What maintains procrastination. 2

What gets in the way of tackling procrastination. 3

Your identity. 4

How procrastination can be helpful 5

Steps to Change. 5

Preparing to change. 5

Understanding. 5

Motivating. 5

Troubleshooting. 5

Changing procrastination. 5

Approach. 5

Plan Preparation. 6

Plan Implementation. 6

Feedback\Learning. 7

Rejuvenating\Rewarding activity. 7

Helpers. 7

Organising. 7

Managing. 7

 

 

Reasons to procrastinate

 

To avoid failure

If you didn’t try then you can never fail

To avoid success

Success might be unpleasant, from increased responsibility or how you fear other people could treat you by rejecting you or insulting you . The process of success might also be unpleasant, i.e. competition where you fear you could alienate people.

To avoid the imperfect

There can be a desire to do things perfectly and because that is hard therefore the task is put off

To avoid losing your identity

If you do something for someone else it can diminish your sense of yourself  and can lead to what it means to be you wont be respected, so you avoid doing the task and feel more yourself.

To avoid losing control

Not doing a task you don’t want to do asserts your control\power in the world

To avoid feeling lonely \abandoned

You always have things to do, as procrastination means tasks take longer

To avoid doing demeaning tasks

If you have a powerful belief in your specialness, and ability you might then want to procrastinate  tasks that don’t accord with that belief. This could be because the feelings of dong things that are less that you think you should be doing, or feeling a failure are very powerful for you maybe because you haven’t often felt them.

To avoid distress

·         Pleasurable tasks feel timeless and it feels very painful to do things that aren’t like this

·         Any of the above reasons produce distress that can then want to be avoided

 

 

 

 

What maintains procrastination

The task to be done produces distress (for some reason), a history of procrastination produces extra distress associating the task with the distress of procrastinating about it.  Now being stressed, and the threat part of your brain is activated it becomes harder to do the task. So the procrastination is maintained by the negative reinforcement of avoiding the unpleasant feelings of distress , and by the strengthening of the beliefs about the task e.g. “I cant do it” supported by the decrease in ability due to the stress. Given the avoidance of the distress then procrastination is also maintained as the skills of managing distress aren’t developed.

In turn tasks can be associated with all the unpleasant thoughts\feelings and behaviours. So as the similar task\situation is faced then there can be all the memory of previous similar tasks coming back and a priming of way of paying attention\thinking\feeling as there is an expectation of what the task will be like. The brain through repeition wires neural pathways, so when I see x, then I think y, then I feel z.

What can help reduce the maintenance of procrastination is to start to break the neural pathways. So when you get stuck in procrastination take a break (mind\body) which can then give other experiences related to the task.  Likewise starting small and getting some success in terms of doing the task and concentrating can also rewire as it reassociates the task with non procrstinatory experience.

 

 

What gets in the way of tackling procrastination

If you stop procrastinating, what new problems or situations would you have to face that you don’t have to contend with now?

My illusions could be shattered . . .

What if I finally do my best, but I’m mediocre?

I might not be able to achieve what I always thought I could.

 I couldn’t feel superior if I found I was in the same boat as others.

 

There’s always more to do . . .

I’ll turn into a workaholic.

I’ll take on more and more responsibilities and put my own needs last.

 I’ll find there’s even more to do than I thought.

It will never end.

 

My relationships would change and not for the better . . .

 It’s lonely at the top; I’d lose my friends.

 People will compete with me and try to cut me down.

My flaws will be obvious and no one will like me.

Everyone will be envious of me.

I’ll be too different from my family.

 

I’d lose control over my life . . .

I’d have to accept a lot of other people’s routines and expectations.

I’d have to learn new things and be a novice again.

I’d rather be the expert.

 I’ll be taken over by this new culture.

People will demand more and more of me—and I can’t say “No.”

 

Life would seem boring . . .

 I would miss the excitement and challenge of “cutting it close.”

I wouldn’t be inspired and I’d be less creative.

Things done early will seem too easy.

That’s no fun!

 

I’d be completely responsible for myself . . .

 I couldn’t blame other people or circumstances for what I do or don’t do.

What would it be like to be completely on my own without getting everyone to help me at the last minute?

 I’d have to make a lot of difficult decisions about how to spend my time.

 

 I wouldn’t be a nice person anymore . . .

If I’m successful, I might turn into a pompous ass.

I’d become self-righteous and disdainful of those who still procrastinate.

I might be dull, less fun, no longer a unique person.

I’d start to feel competitive with everyone else.

 

Maybe I don’t deserve this . . .

I’d have to acknowledge that I’m worth something.

I haven’t punished myself enough for procrastinating.

I’d be even more disappointed in myself if I started to procrastinate again.

 

Your identity

There can be things you see as your identity that make it harder to let go of procrastination

1.       The loveable clown

2.       The saint: always looking after others but putting my needs off

3.       The renaissance man: knows about everything but never can attend to one thing

4.       The miracle worker: can pull it out of the bag in the last 5 mins (but I created the problem)

5.       The blank slate: I don’t know what I want in life, so cant direct my energy

 

How procrastination can be helpful

·         It can show that you don’t want to do what you are doing and there could be good reasons for this that procrastination is pointing to you acting against your values.

 

 

 

Steps to Change

 

Preparing to change

 

Understanding

Establish procrastination areas:

Establish procrastination patterns and themes.

Establish procrastination style: what do you do

 

Motivating

Evaluate Procrastination

External costs: e.g. problems at work

Internal costs: e.g. LSE

 

Troubleshooting

As you set yourself tasks to help you change you will hit resistance and procrastination. When you do use this to understand more about procrastination.

 

Changing procrastination

Approach

Aim build confidence, by getting some success.

Break tasks into small achievable steps

Use an energising activity at start of tasks and a pleasurable\meaningful activity at end of tasks to energise and stimulate the work.

Aim to increase your understanding of yourself, your procrastination and achievement whatever happens

Plan Preparation

Write down why you procrastinate (Write 5 parts of it, e.g. fear of failure, fear of being controlled)

Write down the emotions that encourage you to procrastinate (I feel x when I need to do y)

Write down what keeps you procrastinating: Fears if you didn’t procrastinate (see above)

Write down 5 costs (internal and external) of procrastination

Write down 5 benefits of reducing procrastination

Write a plan for tackling procrastination (general energiser, specific procrastination reducer with rewards, general pleasure\meaning enhancer, this wrapped in a learning\feedback mechanism )

Learn emotional acceptance technique

Have a log book\learning journal

 

Plan Implementation

Start of day: Run

Plan:

Break task into small time chunks

Think about how you can distract yourself and if you need to make some time for those things later in the day.

Establish rejuvenating\rewarding activity around it

Write or say what is important about doing this task (internal motives, external incentives)

Write or say how I can make this task more interesting\motivating (how quickly I can do it, what I can learn etc?)

Task implementation

Do task, if successful take a rejuvenating break/get a reward (Exercise? Movement? Music? Change of scene?)

If having difficulty with task then write or say the meaning of the difficulty (e.g. fear of failure), notice the emotion that goes with this. Do some emotional management or compassion excercisea then return to task.

 

End of day: Pleasurable\Meaningful activity

 

 

Feedback\Learning

Have three sections

Understanding procrastination, thoughts and emotions

Helpers and hinderers

Troubleshooting

Either at end of day, end of task or during difficulty write down any increase of wisdom in any of the areas

 

 

 

Rejuvenating\Rewarding activity

Mindful: A sacred pause: connecting to the moment, what it feels like in your body, emotions, feelings, sensations what sounds you notice,

Exercise: Some exercise: walking outside, moving around the house, doing a yoga pose, doing an exercise

Relaxation: Progressive muscle relaxation, Soothing imagery, Soothing breathing

Compassion: Notice whats gone well to encourage and support, and offer compassion to any difficulties or struggles.

Social: Message a friend

 

 

Helpers

Organising

Set a timer for the task on your phone

Write a plan for the day at the start of the day

Create a regular time during the day to do certain things, e.g. look for houses, socialise etc

Break things into very small bits, use one minute time allocations

Well being: ensure you are getting enough sleep\eating well\socialising\having pleasure and meaning

Create an “Unschedule” a weekly plan of all the things you are going to do, notice what you feel about that and then see what time you have for what you should do or if you need to adjust the schedule

 

Managing

What can you delegate?

What can you say no to?

What can be good enough rather than perfect?

What do you love doing: do more of it!

How can you schedule your day to maximum effect (hard tasks first, small task firsts get some motivation?)

 

 

Cognitive restructuring

 

How to change thoughts

 

I have a thought, for instance  “I'm a loser” and I want to change it, as it causes me distress through my emotional and behavioural response to it.

 

Arguing with the thought wont always be successful as you might hold the belief not due to evidence but rather its function. In other words I want to punish myself so that I seek to motivate myself by trying to overcome it.

Likewise there can be so many pieces of evidence for and against you wont ever resolve this, by argument. Arguing with a belief can also be self defeating as it highlights the significance of the thought, which in turn means its something to care about.

Beliefs seem intricate,  composed out of their function, relation to evidence, , related to how I see myself, how others see me and this is both currently and in the past. So as holding a belief is significantly more than evidence changing this generally is never enough.

So one way to help change a thought is not to, rather to decide if its helpful or not and whether to take any notice of it.  Mindfulness can be a great help in this . Changing attention to something more helpful than this thought can be helpful.

This approach comes from Acceptance and commitment therapy and you can read more from the

Happiness trap .

 

Working with distressing worry

 

Working with distressing worry

 

 

Introduction

You might have a worry that you know isn’t helpful.

With this worry, there can be a tendency to use your fight or flight systems as if they were an external threat.

As you fight with worry, you might argue with it, tell yourself not to worry, or give yourself evidence why you don’t need to worry and the worry continues.

As you go into flight mode with worry, you might try to distract yourself, or numb yourself somehow with food or drink or drugs.

Whilst sometimes these strategies can be useful, oftentimes the worry doesn’t go away, paradoxically it gets amplified, plus you can get new problems on top, because you couldn’t get rid of your worry, or your avoidance strategies come with a set of new problems.

 

What can help?

Stage 1 Acknowledgement

1.       Notice the worry.

a.       You may want to try saying to yourself.

b.       I’m noticing that I’m worrying about x

2.       Then notice what your underling fear is that takes you to this worry

a.       E.g. I’m afraid that something good I’ve made will go wrong

3.       Then notice your current emotion(s)

a.       You may want to say to yourself, I’m noticing I’m feeling x

As you do this simple thing, many things may happen.

·         You slow down and engage rational parts of your brain

·         You distance yourself from the worry\emotions, which both minimises it, puts  you in relationship with it, and shows you how it will pass

 

 

Stage 2 Body

Notice what’s happening in your body

 

Describe the feelings in your body that relate to your feelings

Notice what’s happening in another part of your body that doesn’t feel like this, e.g., your legs, glutes, feet, etc

 

As you do this simple thing, many things may happen.

·         You relate to yourself at the most fundamental level, which can make your bodily feeling, feel acknowledged which can lead to its change

·         You may notice that the feeling is part of you, not all of you. Which can minimize the power of the feeling

 

Stage 3

Return to what you were doing, before this

Do this by using a grounding exercise

1.       Really notice 5 things you can see, as if they are art, and you have never seen them before

2.       Really notice 4 things you can hear, as if  they are music and you have never heard them before. Notice sounds close to and in the distance

3.       Really notice 3 things you can feel, allow your fingers to explore, like you have never felt this thing before

4.       Really notice 2 things you can smell, notice both the strong and subtle smells, the simple and the complex

5.       Take one really slow deep breath, and make sure the outbreath is longer than the in breath

As you do this simple thing many things may happen.

·         You may return to the “present” away from the imagined future in your head

·         You may feel that you can do what’s important to you even when you’re not feeling great

·         You have more control

·         The worry\feelings have less control

·         You do more things that are important to you

Turbo charge

You can turbo charge this process by using mindfulness. Use a regular breathing meditation to strengthen your awareness (noticing thoughts\feelings) and strengthen your ability to move attention (rather than get caught up in the worry\feeling notice it\the body and return )

 

Extras

Compassion

Once you have got the hang of this, you may also notice what the feeling was before the thought\feeling came. If its different you may want to ask if a friend felt like this how would I respond to them, and try the same approach with yourself

Writing

If you find it difficult to return back to what you were doing and the worry returns. Then open a document and write down your worries. If it’s the second time you are dong this, read your worries before you write them down

Working with distressing thoughts and feelings

 Working with distressing thoughts and feelings

 

 

Introduction

You might have distressing thoughts, unwanted thoughts or feelings. Thoughts that if someone else said that to you, you wouldn’t like, critical ones maybe. There might be unpleasant emotions around, anxiety about what could happen, or low mood about what has happened.

With both of these thoughts or feelings, there can be a tendency to use our fight or flight systems as if they were an external threat.

As we fight with thoughts, we might argue  with them, tell ourselves to pull our socks up.

As we go into flight mode with thouights, we might try to distract ourselves, with feelings we might try to numb ourselves somehow with food or drink or drugs.

Whilst sometimes these strategies can be useful, oftentimes the thought\feeling doesn’t go away, paradoxically it gets amplified, plus you can get new problems on top, because you couldn’t get rid of the thought\feeling or your avoidance strategies come with a set of new problems.

 

What can help

Stage 1

Notice the thought\feeling

 

You may want to try saying to yourself

Im having the feeling of x or Im having the thought y

Or

A part of me is feeling x a part of me is thinking y

 

As you do this simple thing, many things may happen.

·         You slow down and engage rational parts of your brain

·         You distance yourself from the thought\feeling, which both minimises it, puts  you in relationship with it, and shows you how it will pass

 

 

Stage 2

Notice what’s happening in your body

 

You may want to describe the feelings in your body or maybe just simply feel them

You may want to find a phrase to describe how you are feeling in your body

 

As you do this simple thing, many things may happen.

·         You relate to yourself at the most fundamental level, which can make your bodily feeling, feel good\change

·         You may notice that the feeling is part of you, not all of you. Which can minimize the power of the feeling

 

Stage 3

Return to what you were doing, before this

 

As you do this simple thing many things may happen.

·         You may feel that you can do wahts important to you even when youre not feeling great

·         You have more control

·         The thoughts\feelings have less control

·         You do more things that are important to you

Turbo charge

You can turbo charge this process by using mindfulness. Use a regular breathing meditation to strengthen your awareness (noticing thoughts\feelings) and strengthen your ability to move attention (rather than get caught up in the thought\feeling notice it\the body and return )

 

Extras

Once you have got the hang of this, you may also notice what the feeling was before the thought\feeling came. If its different you may want to ask if a friend felt like this how would I respond to them, and try the same approach with yourself

Overcoming Intrusive Thoughts: Sally Winston

Contents
Introduction    1
Chapter 1 Recovering from unwanted intrusive thoughts    1
Thoiughts that get stuck    3
Chapter 2 Varieties of intrusive thoughts    4
Chapter 3 What thoughts mean: Myths and facts    5
Chapter 4 Unwanted intrusive thoughts Q and A    6
Chapter 5 How the brain creates unwanted intrusive thoughts    7
Chapter 6 Why nothing has worked    9
Ineffective strategies    10
Reassurance, suppression, rational argument, prayer    10
Self reassurance    10
Healthy living    10
Chapter 7 How to handle thoughts when they happen    11
Chapter 8 Getting over unwanted thoughts for good    14
Chapter 9 What does recovery mean    15
Summary    16

 

Introduction

90% of people have intrusive thoughts. The only people who have problems with them fear they will act on them.

Helpful Fact: There is nothing wrong with you, just the way you are dealing with your thoughts.

The answer is learning an entirely new relationship to thoughts, which is being neither scared nor ashamed of them.

 

Chapter 1 Recovering from unwanted intrusive thoughts

What are Intrusive Thoughts, how do they get stuck, why do they feel dangerous

We can associate certain experiences with certain thought types!

Not wanting the Intrusive Thoughts or fighting it stops it from passing quickly. The more you fight with it, the more it pushes back, as it has more significance, has your attention.

When you have become disgusted with the thought, it arrives with a lot of emotion, disgust, anxiety etc, and a real desire to get rid of it. So as you have strong emotions then this effects your body, so now you have a thought, strong emotions and physical reactions.

The combination of the desire to get rid of the thought, the emotions and the physical sensations can lead to a belief that theres an urge to act on this thought, as it seems very real.

As the thoughts become more intense, and it has such an effect on your life, then you might start to think that you are a bad person, who could act on these thoughts.

 

Voices of the mind

We have many characters inside us, including the self critic, the manager , the well being manager, the social manager,  the worrier,  the false comforter and the wise mind.

Worried voice: doubts, scares, annoys, interrupts (trying to protect), produces anxiety, can be the first to react to new sensations

False comfort Placates tries to reassure but never succeeds. False Comfort is actually so disturbed and frightened by Worried Voice that it continuously tries to argue, control, avoid, suppress, reassure, reason with, neutralize, or work around whatever Worried Voice comes up with. Tries to lower anxiety.  Indeed also has fears about worried voice, that it indicates that its out of control, perverse etc.

Wise mind: Knows what’s going on, with mindful, compassionate awareness. Wise Mind is disentangled, free of effort, and accepting of uncertainty. It is curious and sometimes even amused by things that upset the others. Wise mind knows that false comfort keeps worried voice going, so trying to not be scared, keeps the what ifs going (how).

 

Ironic nature of thought

When you try to think of a thought less you get more of it. Why, you make it more important, you activate emotions when its around, you get a desire to get rid of it, your body is activated too. You are putting a lot of energy into these thoughts.

 

Test 1

Don’t think of carrots

Test 2

Put on a timer for 5 minutes, and every time you think of carrots reset it: Your thought gets stuck, then you become frustrated and angry.

 

What you resist tends to persist

 

 

 

Thoughts that get stuck

The thoughts you most want to get rid of are the ones that get stuck, so they are generally the opposite of your values.

Intrusive Thoughts versus impulses

You may be afraid that you will act on your Intrusive Thoughts as there is a lot of emotion, energy, desire to act (i.e. get rid of thought) and physical response.

You fear you will lose control, but Intrusive Thoughts is a problem of overcontrol, not under control.

Doubt/uncertainty=>overcontrol, leads to trying to control things that you can’t control

 

When are intrusive thoughts likely to happen?

Intrusive Thoughts vary in intensity and frequency

Self

When you are less resilient you will get more Intrusive Thoughts (low self care, high distress, high drugs or hangover). Worst in the morning and when you are lying down to sleep. You will be more scared of them, avoid them more, and because you are paying more attention to them therefore you can get them more.

When less resilient, you are less engaged with other things, you feel yourself more vulnerable as you can control less, so your usual strategy is compromised. So Intrusive thoughts are more likely as your mind is idling, you feel strange and less able to defend yourself.

Avoiding also tells you are fragile, can’t cope with the thoughts

 

Situation

If there are high stakes this can increase the stickiness of the thoughts. So if you are in a situation where you could act on the Intrusive thought. So now the emotions before going into the situation are super high, you are on the look out.

Higher stakes, doesn’t increase the probability of something happening.

 

Events

Having had a traumatic event can be a trigger to Its, as you might worry about it, ruminate about it, so are keeping a relation with it. This can be a personal one or one in the media.

If in the media you see a story of someone doing something you’re frightened off, that may raise your belief in your probability of doing that, can increase your fear of doing that as you see it as more likely, then worry more about it. Fear the thoughts about it more.

 

Helpful Fact: Contrary to common sense, reducing your effort to avoid intrusive thoughts will often lead to less distress.

 

Chapter 2 Varieties of intrusive thoughts

Morally repugnant thoughts

1.       Harming and self harming thoughts

a.       Generally self, innocent or loved

2.       Forbidden sexual thoughts

a.       With relatives, children, or extra marital

3.       Impure or blasphemous religious thoughts

a.       Not believing own religion, thinking transgressive thoughts

4.       Disgust causing intrusions when having pleasure

a.       Think about sex with inappropriate person when having sex with partner

b.       Image of someone doing something to my food when eating

5.       Big issue thoughts (stuck in the worrying questions of unanswerable thoughts)

a.       Disbelief of reality

b.       Uncertainty of future

c.       Questioning beliefs

6.       Nonsensical thoughts

a.       I could lick a dirty window

b.       My mum is a duck

c.       I could have run someone over and forgotten it

7.       Mental checking from doubt

a.       Am I really understanding when reading, so reread

b.       Did I insult someone when talking to them, so repeat conversation in my head

8.       Doubts about relationship

a.       Fear something is wrong with relationship

9.       Scrupulous thoughts

a.       Preoccupation with right\wrong, good\bad

10.   Sexual orientation and sexual identity thoughts

a.       Questioning sexuality, feeling of fear, testing self

11.   Intrusive visual images

a.       Humiliating\crazy actions in front of people

b.       Illness, dying, death scenes

c.       Traumatic memories

12.   Worry

a.       Productive worry vs toxic worry. Productive plans, solves problems and acts. Toxic worry tries to reassure but can’t or doesn’t solve problems and doesn’t act.

b.       Single topic worry

c.       Multi topic worry

d.       Meta worry

13.   Not entirely unwanted intrusive thoughts

a.       Serve as a diversion, a fantasy, but keeps us from concentration

b.       Revenge

                                                               i.      Playing through revenge ideas, might start as intentional then end up unintentional

c.       Bereavement

                                                               i.      When you struggle with your grief thoughts, trying to get rid of them

d.       Love sickness

                                                               i.      Obsessional thoughts that start invited but then end up uninvited

e.       Resentment

                                                               i.      Thinking how unfair something is, again start invited but then become intrusive.

14.   Personal lost, failure or mistake

a.       Thoughts that you have or will commit a terrible mistake, the thought keeps on replaying and it causes distress (seems more like obsession, rather than OCD, there is no suppression of thoughts, although there may be compulsion with it)

15.   Somatosensory intrusions

a.       Intrusive sensations: hyper aware OCD. E.g. I produce too much saliva, so I swallow and swallow. Focus on a body part, or function obsessionally

 

Helpful Fact: Most of your distress is caused not by what you think or feel, but how you feel about and react to what you think or feel.

 

Intrusive thought: is an unwanted thought that causes distress.

It will then be got worse through putting energy into it to try to get rid of it.

Then theres the behaviours to try to disprove it.

 

 

Chapter 3 What thoughts mean: Myths and facts

9 Myths about thoughts that contribute to thoughts getting stuck

1.       Our thoughts are under our control

a.       Thoughts happen, they wander, they jump around

b.       Just because you can think some thoughts on purpose doesn’t mean to say all thoughts are under you control

2.       Our thoughts indicate our character

a.       If we have dark thoughts, it means we have a dark side, there are movies that promote this, e.g. the exorcist movie

b.       Character is how we lead our life, what we choose to do

3.       Our thoughts indicate our inner self

a.       Thoughts are a window to the soul

                                                               i.      But if this was the case then everyone would be a heap of contradictions, between kind and cruel for example.

                                                             ii.      The fear is you would be like Jekyll and Hyde, but this characters has been dreamt up by a normal person

4.       The unconscious mind can affect actions (not strong argument)

a.       We could all of a sudden do something we didn’t expect against our wishes, maybe these thoughts are coming from my wiser mind that knows some I don’t

b.       There is also the idea, if you fear something then you secretly desire it, but there is no evidence for this

c.       I suppose noticing your reaction to thoughts is powerful, shows your desire.

5.       Thinking something makes it likely to happen

a.       Having negative thoughts will create negative events (TAF), we only remember premonitions that come true not the ones that don’t

b.       Our thoughts can effect what we choose to do, but they can’t make us do what we don’t want to do

6.       Thinking something makes it unlikely to happen

a.       Worrying about someone protects them, shows love and loyalty.

7.       Only sick people have intrusive thoughts

a.       Mother Teresa had intrusive thoughts, that she had sinned when she hadn’t, fearful of being punished, and doubting forgiveness when she had been forgiven.

8.       Every thought is worth thinking

a.       Thought is like TV there are a lot of crap channels

9.       Thoughts that repeat are important

a.       Thoughts tend to repeat if they are resisted

b.       When you try not to have a thought, it will repeat. When a thought repeats it builds up a neural connection, so its more likely to repeat.

 

Helpful Fact: Thoughts have nothing to do with character. Only chosen actions do.

Helpful Fact: Thoughts do not change probabilities in the real world.

 

 

Chapter 4 Unwanted intrusive thoughts Q and A

Does having thoughts about hurting people mean deep down I harbour aggression?

Based on psychoanalytic idea that feared thoughts relate to unconscious wishes. However you are having thoughts that you don’t want, your emotions when you have them show them not to be a desire. The thoughts are stuck as you try to get rid of them

 

Does having Intrusive Thoughts sexual thoughts about children mean I’m a paedophile.

No  because of the emotion you feel when you have the thought

 

Why do my thoughts feel like impulses

Intrusive thoughts are an outcome of overcontrol.  You may feel like you put a lot of effort into not acting on them, and sure you do put that effort in, but it doesn’t mean to say that you will act on them if you don’t. The impulse you feel is the concoction of the emotions, their physiological correlates plus your desire to act, i.e. to get rid of the thought, to avoid certain situations, maybe to punish yourself for being a monster.

The feeling of anxiety, blurs the distinction between thought and actions, thoughts and desires, thoughts and impulses, as your mind is racing

 

But I get so scared, the fight to control myself feels so real?

Our fear response to fight\flight is activated, which makes the thought seem dangerous. We want to run or fight, our body is activated, energised, so the thought can seem like it has energy.

 

What is the root cause of the problem

This question is the problem, its like asking what is the best method of bloodletting to cure a fever, you would say bloodletting doesn’t cure fevers. Root causes were considered in vogue 50 years ago, when there was a sense of a singular cause that you can find by digging deep in your psyche.

Now the thinking is that the complicated interaction between your genetics and your experience, and your environment result in how you behave

 

 

 

Distraction, thought suppression, reinforces the idea that the thought means something, is a big deal that needs dealing with.

When you distract yourself, you also have part of your mind barring the door to make sure they don’t come back and scanning the mind to make sure they haven’t.  So being hyper vigilant for them, trying really hard to make sure you don’t have them, reminds you of them, and ironically makes you think of them.

 

Your goal is to learn how to reduce the distress they trigger. Thoughts that don’t matter have no power.

 

Chapter 5 How the brain creates unwanted intrusive thoughts

The brain is reacting to thoughts as though they are dangerous and this creates anxiety.  When the thought is conditioned by regularly experiencing anxiety, then they are linked, when you have the thought then you will have anxiety as there is a conditioned connecting between the two.

False positive, the alarm system going off when there is no need to.

The amygdala has many false positives as it doesn’t ever want to have a false negative. The emotion of fear is useful for fast response via fight\flight\freeze.

Fear responses have to be learned, babies are only scared of loud noises and  lack of support .

The thought feels dangerous as you get a whoosh of fear, so its easy to think there is a real danger. Which you think is the thought, but all that has happened is you have learnt to be frightened of the thought (due to your beliefs and experience) so you feel fear when you have the thought.

First fear is the initial feeling of fear produced by the amygdala. Its unstoppable and automatic.

The thalamus sends two signals to the amygdala, on the basis of a trigger, one via the pre-frontal cortex, the other one directly to the amygdala. So you can feel fear, because you have been conditioned, before you can think about it.

The first fear, is the initial fear response to a threat, then this can be stoked by secondary thoughts, that can confirm that this is a scary situation.

False comfort confirms worried voices fears by trying to placate those fears. Worried voices what ifs, are fear inducing so from the initial conditioned response then there comes. So you have a continual fear response, that started with the intrusive thought, but then was continued by the what ifs. You have a strong danger response, that you can then associate with the intrusive thought, you then want to stop it, feel that you are monster, and you attribute these feelings to the thought.

When false comfort pretends, reassures, explains away, then this gives worried voice the thought that there is something to worry about, that that their fears are justified, as false comfort is taking them seriously. This then increases fear, the second whoosh

 

Fear Trigger (loud noise, scary thought) associated with fear

2 signals one sent to PFC (slow) one to Amygdala  (fast)

Feeling of fear from amygdala (first whoosh)

Then meta thoughts. Feeling afraid and having thought, fear that I could act on it, as have emotion desire to act (stop the thought)

 

Fear Diminishing cycle

Allow the fear to subside the amygdala is only doing its job.  Feeling afraid is not the same as being in a dangerous situation.  The first feeling of fear you feel due to association and happens automatically, then second feeling is something you can control

Fear  helps us with life threatening situations  and helps us to fast movement

Anxiety can be triggered also by scary thoughts, or emotional threats (e.g. of rejection)

Point 1, our fear system is turned on when it doesn’t need to be, its fast and we can’t think about it

Point 2, through making our thoughts over important and fighting with them, that can keep the system on, and keep the thoughts going.

 

When the anxiety response is on

Body, activated for fight flight

Mind, racing

Behaviour hyper vigilant, tunnel vision

Then with all of this thoughts can get confused with desires,

 

Thoughts no longer feel like a safe way to rehearse actions without consequences.

 

When your amygdala is not triggering the alarm response it is happy to live in world that isn’t risk free, when it is triggered in cannot accept any risk,  because everything seems so real

 

 

Once the amygdala is triggered, then thoughts can seem real, due to the toxic cocktail in your body, this then leads to a desire for certainty, which is impossible.

Chapter 6 Why nothing has worked

three factors that explain why your efforts have not worked: sticky mind, paradoxical effort, and entanglement.

 

Sticky Mind

Sticky mind, is when thoughts keep on returning and you pay undue attention to them  There is a biological basis to this (it can run in the family). The second is stress, when people are less able to cope generally the thoughts gets stickier, if you are generally more anxious, you will be intolerant of uncertainty, hypervigilant, so less likely to let sticky thoughts go.

 

Paradoxical effect

Effort works backwards, the more you try not to have the thoughts the more you have them.  Like a Chinese finger trap, the more you try to pull your finger out the tighter it becomes.

Other paradoxical effects, trying to sleep, laugh, ignore, relax,  not notice something and when it fails we redouble our effort. This is like trying to dig yourself out of a hole by digging faster.

Quick sand, the more you struggle the more you sink

With thoughts, as you try to push them away, firstly you engage with them (associating the thought with what’s happening at the moment), secondly you are giving them significance, thirdly you create emotion\desire with the thought which can make it seem more real

 

Entanglement

You connect with the content of the thought, and judge yourself because you have it. Then you argue against it, or try to reassure yourself.

If a person walks down the street and says a disgusting comment, if you go after them and say don’t say that, it will increase your engagement with that person, they might say another disgusting comment they might have a fight with you. The best bet is to ignore the comment and carry on with your journey. You are trying to get them to not say something again, but as you do you increase the likelihood of another comment.

Meaning behind the words: Spam email=send me your money sucker

Your thoughts seems correct, and like action because its triggered your alarm system.

 

Emotional impact: Write down skill and grape and notice the impact, then remove the first letter, what is the emotional impact.  These words may now no longer just feel like words, but rather something more, but these words are just words.  But these words are just words, if you add feeling to them, then they become something more.

 

Ineffective strategies

Reassurance, suppression, rational argument, prayer

As there is a need for certainty reassurance and rational argument wont work, certainty is needed as without that there is still a thought, which is believed which causes problem, I have to have no thoughts as I can believe them.  Theres  a prediction and placating move. So I will predict a bad thing (to keep myself safe) then I will placate myself by reassurance. But I need to be completely safe (I’m more hypervigilant to danger since amygdala) so I then make another prediction. Within the prediction and placation movement there  is a lot of experience of scary things happening, which associates the emotions with situations, brain gets to experience a lot of scary things, fear response is triggered.

Suppression doesn’t work as it gets you to think the thought first. Then the problem is if things don’t work , you think you are the problem, so you try harder, but then the problem gets worse.

 

Self reassurance

Argue against myself. Short term pay off, but there is still the acting on the significance of the thoughts, and therefore no tolerance of thoughts, so doubt creeps back in

Healthy living

Whilst healthy living can help reduce intrusive thoughts, If you try to use healthy living to stop intrusive thoughts and you increase if it if you are having them ,then this means that are you giving the thought significance and power. You are entangled with the thought and it is now sticky.

 

Paradoxical effect=the more power I put into stopping intrusive thoughts the more I have them

Engagement with thought: believing they are significant and meaningful, that the content means something about you, so you need to argue or get reassured.

 

Intrusive thoughts and the serenity prayer, so realise you cannot control the appearance of the intrusive thought, nor the first emotion, but what you can control is your reaction to this.

Breathing techniques can be useful but not in so far as to get rid of the thought but rather to allow you to be ok with them.

 

The main aim here is to not care whether the thoughts come or not, but rather we can treat them as a false alarm.

 

Don’t aim to distract\suppress\argue, this will all fuel the paradoxical effect.  Likewise it will fuel the belief that  the content of thoughts means something about you.

 

Intrusive thoughts are stress sensitive, well being sensitive, but are not caused by stress\distress.

 

Meditation and yoga can both be helpful in reducing the tendency to have a sticky mind and to get entangled with thoughts, but if they are done with the intention of banishing or conquering thoughts instead of relating to them differently, they will not be helpful.

 

Chapter 7 How to handle thoughts when they happen

The aim here is acceptance and there are 6 steps to this.

Bad strategies only deal with the present thought, they are short term

 

RJAFTP

 

R: recognize

 J: just thoughts

 A: accept and allow

F: float and feel

 T: let time pass P: proceed.

 

 

Step 1 Recognise

Pause and label: right now I am having an intrusive thought because of how it feels, awful, unwanted etc.

Notice all the emotions, and physical feeling that come because you have had an intrusive thought and what you think of it.

You might notice how you want to be absolutely certain that this is an intrusive thought rather than a desire, but also notice that a desire for complete certainty is a feeling not a fact, and that it overrides even a 99% probability that something is true, and that the desire for 100% certainty is the desire to have no scary\doubting thoughts, which again comes back to the thought that all your thoughts are meaningful.

 

Step 2 Just Thoughts

Notice this intrusive thought is automatic and you can leave it alone, they are just junk thoughts, you don’t need to get tied up with them.  Remember fighting with them gets you entangled and they stay along

 

Step 3 Accept and allow

Your job is not to distract yourself, not to engage and not to reason away.  Just observe without engagement.  You don’t need to argue with the thought as you are arguing with something that isn’t real. All you are doing here is acting as if the thoughts are unimportant.  Crucial difference between this thought is not important (its intrusive) vs this thought is not true.

If you argue against a thought, you say it is important

If you seek reassurance that a thought isn’t true, you say its important.

 

Intrusive thoughts, can prompt more worries but what if xyz

Productive worry has an outcome and a plan that you can act on that stops worry. Problem, action, stop worrying

Unproductive worry, tries to solve something that there is no answer and you can’t form an action plan.

The aim is to treat the thoughts as unimportant.

The act of hanging onto these thoughts, engaging with them can be in any of these forms

engage the thoughts in any way possible

1.       answer any question the thought poses

2.       push the thoughts out of your mind

3.       figure out what your thoughts “mean”

4.       try to determine whether the thought is “true” or “false” (but remember it is a thought, not a fact)

5.       analyse why the thought pops up now convince yourself that you would never do what the thoughts are saying

6.       change your behaviour so you avoid the possibility of acting on your thoughts

7.        offer reassurance one way or another.

 

Step 4 Float and feel

Return to the present when you notice are you in an imagined future. Concentrate on what is to what if, surrender the struggle!

Floating above the fray is connecting to your Wise Mind. Floating is an attitude of non-active, non-urgent, non-effortful observation. It is non-distressed, uninvolved, and passive. It is non-judgmental. It is allowing thoughts to be there for as long as they happen to be. It is the opposite of entanglement.

Step 5 Let time pass

Just let time pass, don’t try to hurry it, if you feel anxiety, or have unpleasant thoughts, just notice them from a disinterested point of view. With the feeling of anxiety, it may be a discomfort but you are not in danger and you do not need to act.

As you are counting down, waiting and urging for them to go, then the belief you support are they are really bad, I don’t think I can manage them.

As you are checking to see if steps are working, again you support the belief these are really bad thoughts I really need these steps to work.

There might be a sense of urgency to act but this is due to the anxiety produced by intrusive thoughts.  Not a real need to act.

Step 6 Proceed

Continue what you were doing prior to having the intrusive thought. You can rob the thought of its power by not being affected by it, by carrying on what you are doing. The thought is distressing not dangerous.

To rob something of its power is to remove its effects. If there are no effects there is no power.

 

Enemies of acceptance

1.       Guilt

2.       Doubt

3.       Urgency

Guilt

After someone has intrusive thoughts they might feel guilty then ask someone else for reassurance. This provides temporary relief but you have just given the thought power.

 

Doubt

Reassuring or reasoning with intrusive thoughts, says my thoughts are important. Then when you have reassured or reasoned with yourself you have another doubt. Because thoughts are important this doubt is important, so therefore you have to have complete certainty and abolish all doubts which you can never do.

The more you wrestle with the thoughts, the more their possibility increases as your brain has had the experience of them, the more likely they seem to happen, then the more you have wrestle with them. The problem is the wrestling with them.

You don’t demand absolute certainty from health, driving, your house not falling down.

Do or die test

Have a thought

Gun to head, right answer live, wrong or no answer die.

Is this thought intrusive or should I turn myself into the police\hospital

 

Urgency

There is a sense of urgency that accompanies each thought: significance of thought plus anxiety (act quickly) a desire to escape\stop the thought + dislike of uncertainty

There are many times when doing nothing when there is a problem\irritant is the best approach.

Accused of something ridiculous, neighbours arguing, fly on a windscreen, headache at work

 

Chapter 8 Getting over unwanted thoughts for good

Exposure! First understand what keeps the thoughts going, accept and continue what you are doing.  Then expose.

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Think of the amygdala as an infant, you can’t reason with it, you have to show that its safe. You do this by showing that the fear it feels doesn’t mean theres danger.

 

Emotional processing theory

Brain develops fearful memory structure that keeps your fears alive. You have feared beliefs, you avoid testing if they are true, they stay true. So we activate them, expose, to find out they aren’t dangerous, you need to activate the feared structure and to stay with it until the anxiety reduces so you prove to the structures that there isn’t anything dangerous in them or about them.

 

Inhibitory learning

This argues we don’t unlearn feared structures as with emotional processing theory rather we learn new pathways that complete with the old. Thus the new pathways inhibit the old, then the non scary response becomes the default one.  Exposure you need to stay in contact with what frightens you until it seems more manageable.  The idea is to tolerate anxiety as opposed to eliminate it

 

Planned practice vs incidental practice. Practice with false alarms, teach your brain there isn’t anything to be afraid of.

 

5 As of optimal practice

Acceptance

Assign accurate assessment

Active allowance of awareness and affect

Avoid avoidance

Action: advance activities

 

Accept intrusive thoughts, do not give them any power by reacting to them, neither fight nor flee. Notice the thoughts are just thoughts, kindly be aware of thoughts\emotion\physiology in gentle descriptive terms as much as you can. Avoid avoidance

 

 

6 steps to help exposure

1.       Go at your own pace

2.       Think the thought with a twist, sing it, draw it, say it back wards, make it into a horror film, say it over and over

3.       Avoid getting caught up in content

a.       Maybe say to your self

                                                               i.      That’s a thought

                                                             ii.      Nothing is certain

                                                           iii.      I can think of something worse

                                                           iv.      Change what if to what is, change from thinking to sensing

 

 

Chapter 9 What does recovery mean

Relief from the struggle, its different from medical recovery as you will still get “symptoms” but its how you react to the.

Inoculation

Understanding: thoughts create emotions create physiological responses (your alarm system). Whilst the alarm system wants you to operate  quickly its best to slow down so you can observe your thoughts in action. . Then notice your thoughts and emotions without judgement or evaluation.

 

If we accept our thoughts, we stop fuelling them with anxiety, disgust, fear and shame.

 

 

I have an intrusive thought

My brain can experience me doing this

I have unpleasant emotions about the thought, and a desire to stop the thought

My body is activated with a desire to act, and its flooded full with emotions.  This can give the impression that I could act on the thought, I am activated and there are emotions (which can be misunderstood: fear\excitement). As you act on the thought avoid situations, try to suppress it, you give it significance (its important) and see it as being a possible desire that you have to stop or change your behaviour because of.

Anticipatory anxiety about having the thoughts. Fearing the thoughts in a situation associates the thoughts with that situation.

 

As you become less concerned about intrusive thoughts, then you become more engaged with the world around you, and thoughts pop up related to these concerns.

Acceptance is about allowing, not stopping. Whilst acceptance will in time reduce the thoughts you only get there by allowing the thoughts as they are!

It’s a passive activity (!)

 

Set backs

If you expect a set back, then you don’t get demoralised, or angry, or fearful or hopeless. Set backs happen during times of stress, difficult situations, illness etc.

 

Summary