Working with distressing worry

 

Working with distressing worry

 

 

Introduction

You might have a worry that you know isn’t helpful.

With this worry, there can be a tendency to use your fight or flight systems as if they were an external threat.

As you fight with worry, you might argue with it, tell yourself not to worry, or give yourself evidence why you don’t need to worry and the worry continues.

As you go into flight mode with worry, you might try to distract yourself, or numb yourself somehow with food or drink or drugs.

Whilst sometimes these strategies can be useful, oftentimes the worry doesn’t go away, paradoxically it gets amplified, plus you can get new problems on top, because you couldn’t get rid of your worry, or your avoidance strategies come with a set of new problems.

 

What can help?

Stage 1 Acknowledgement

1.       Notice the worry.

a.       You may want to try saying to yourself.

b.       I’m noticing that I’m worrying about x

2.       Then notice what your underling fear is that takes you to this worry

a.       E.g. I’m afraid that something good I’ve made will go wrong

3.       Then notice your current emotion(s)

a.       You may want to say to yourself, I’m noticing I’m feeling x

As you do this simple thing, many things may happen.

·         You slow down and engage rational parts of your brain

·         You distance yourself from the worry\emotions, which both minimises it, puts  you in relationship with it, and shows you how it will pass

 

 

Stage 2 Body

Notice what’s happening in your body

 

Describe the feelings in your body that relate to your feelings

Notice what’s happening in another part of your body that doesn’t feel like this, e.g., your legs, glutes, feet, etc

 

As you do this simple thing, many things may happen.

·         You relate to yourself at the most fundamental level, which can make your bodily feeling, feel acknowledged which can lead to its change

·         You may notice that the feeling is part of you, not all of you. Which can minimize the power of the feeling

 

Stage 3

Return to what you were doing, before this

Do this by using a grounding exercise

1.       Really notice 5 things you can see, as if they are art, and you have never seen them before

2.       Really notice 4 things you can hear, as if  they are music and you have never heard them before. Notice sounds close to and in the distance

3.       Really notice 3 things you can feel, allow your fingers to explore, like you have never felt this thing before

4.       Really notice 2 things you can smell, notice both the strong and subtle smells, the simple and the complex

5.       Take one really slow deep breath, and make sure the outbreath is longer than the in breath

As you do this simple thing many things may happen.

·         You may return to the “present” away from the imagined future in your head

·         You may feel that you can do what’s important to you even when you’re not feeling great

·         You have more control

·         The worry\feelings have less control

·         You do more things that are important to you

Turbo charge

You can turbo charge this process by using mindfulness. Use a regular breathing meditation to strengthen your awareness (noticing thoughts\feelings) and strengthen your ability to move attention (rather than get caught up in the worry\feeling notice it\the body and return )

 

Extras

Compassion

Once you have got the hang of this, you may also notice what the feeling was before the thought\feeling came. If its different you may want to ask if a friend felt like this how would I respond to them, and try the same approach with yourself

Writing

If you find it difficult to return back to what you were doing and the worry returns. Then open a document and write down your worries. If it’s the second time you are dong this, read your worries before you write them down